VOICES: CHAPTER 5

It had been an eventful start to this little infiltration, though for once, not in a way that involved copious amounts of violence.

Only mild violence and a whole lot of yelling.

Of all the blows Clive hadn’t seen coming, it was Joshua’s fist to his face that blindsided him the most.  The anger and accusation when he asked whether or not Clive had taken Jill’s Eikon.

The disappointment when Clive confirmed it.

As they trudged through the eerie expanse of Ash’s cliffs and forests, following Gav’s lead as they made for Stonehyrr, Clive couldn’t help but let his mind wander a bit, which Ifrit noticed and took full advantage of.

How dare he accuse us of-it was her choice!  Their choice!  Our choice!

Clive felt the telltale taste of ash and heat in the back of his throat that indicated Ifrit was scratching at the surface, a habit his Eikon hadn't quite broken despite no longer needing to manifest physically to be heard, and sighed.

It had been a harrowing couple of days since they'd made landfall on Ash, made more complicated by the fact that Clive had to split his attention between watching for threats and navigating the not-infrequent interruptions from Ifrit.

If the Hellfire Eikon had been observant before, now that he had words and a voice, that attentiveness had fully transitioned over into being a full blown chatterbox, having something to add to almost every conversation Clive had with people.

At one point while they were planning this mission to Ash he'd had to tell Ifrit to shut the hell up so he could focus on what Vivian was saying and not on the fire Eikon's opinion that they should just ram the ship into the side of Drake's Spine itself. He'd had to adjourn the meeting, citing needing to consult Mid on how long until the Enterprise's repairs were going to take before they planned any timetables for the assault, and had spent nigh the entire night setting boundaries with Ifrit.

As expected, it was a work in progress, and there were still times when Clive wondered idly if this is what it felt like to go mad. He was getting used to compartmentalizing the running commentary, but there were times, like now with his jaw still smarting somewhat, that Ifrit would not be ignored.

He speaks as if we wanted their power for ourselves, and not to protect them! Ifrit snarled, tiny streams of smoke wisping from Clive's breath at the Eikon's fury. We are NOT Ultima's beast!

I know that, and you know that, Clive snapped, cutting off the building rage he could feel roiling off Ifrit.  But the thing about choices is not everyone will understand the ones you make.  Nor will they always agree with them.  

Does that not infuriate you?!   

Joshua may not know how far Jill’s curse has spread, hell, I barely knew until that night.  He wouldn’t know that her body was at its limit unless she'd told him directly.

Then YOU tell him!  

It is not my place to speak for her, so if I must take a few punches over a misunderstanding, so be it, Clive said calmly. He'd learned quickly that Ifrit's habit of manifesting physically to communicate lead to some unfortunate escalations if Clive allowed his own frustrations to add fuel to the proverbial fire, and it had only gotten more intense now that words were involved.  He could be mad on his own time. 

The important thing is, we know we made the best choice we could.  Unless Shiva changed her mind?  Or you did?

There was a pause and then, much quieter but no less menacingly Clive heard, …No.  We didn’t.

Then we leave it at that. It's no different than our choices to take down the Mothercrystals. None but a few truly understand why, most don't care, and only see the suffering and chaos their destruction causes.

Ifrit seemed to settle some at that thought, though the underlying rumble of irritation did not entirely go away.

Besides, he’s my brother, Clive said, in a much cheerier and flippant tone,  This is how brothers work sometimes.  I imagine it works the same way with sisters, if Theodore and Eloise are any indication.  

If Clive had to put words to the expression in Ifrit’s voice, it would be a raised eyebrow at his Dominant.  You are suggesting that if I take issue with a choice Phoenix or her Dominant makes, I should punch her in the face to make a point?

Clive involuntarily shuddered a bit thinking back to the last time Ifrit and Phoenix had physically tussled.  Maybe not literally.  But it’s not uncommon for siblings to fight, and it’s VERY common for them to misunderstand each other.  You may not agree on everything, but if you care for each other, then it’s worth trying to come to a mutual understanding.

Founder wasn't that the truth. He'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't have frustrations with some of Joshua's choices over the years since Drake's Head. Disappearing after getting Clive and Jill to safety outside the collapsing Mothercrystal sanctum, because really, Clive never managed to figure out exactly how they got out of there alive otherwise, as incapacitated as they had been. Keeping them in the dark about Ultima when having something of a heads up as to what they were facing might've changed how things had gone in those five years. Clive had been silently irritated while Jill had outright snapped at Joshua, but in the end what was done was done, and what mattered now was that they had found each other again.

Ifrit didn’t say anything right away, opting instead to settle back down into his place within Clive with a contemplative rumble.

It is…odd.

Clive blinked a bit in surprise. He had assumed that had been the end of the conversation.

What is?

To have a sibling. No other Eikon has one. Has ever had one. Has known what it is to be split.

Is that how you see it? That you're only half of what you should be?

It is what we are. She is fire. So am I. What else are we if not split halves of the same element? Twin flames born to the Sons of Fire, Shiva called us, was the simple reply.

Clive considered his next words for a moment before he spoke up again. I never considered my life empty before Joshua was born. But after he arrived, everything changed, and I couldn't imagine a world without him in it. I never thought that Joshua being in my life somehow diminished my own. We are our own persons. We share the same parents, in the same way you share the same element with Phoenix. And yet here you both are with your own voices, and your own personalities.

Ifrit snorted a bit, almost dismissively, It must be easy to be so certain when you can speak to your sibling.

You cannot?

Not without Phoenix's Dominant's aide. I cannot hear other Eikons anymore than you can, Ifrit huffed in frustration. Perhaps if a bridge is made as it was with Shiva…but he has made it quite clear his thoughts on that.

Clive couldn't help the chuckle as he realized what might truly be driving some of Ifrit's irritation at Joshua.

Are you worried Joshua sees you as nothing more than Ultima's tool? And that may influence your sister's opinion of you?

There was a warning growl, but Ifrit didn't deny it. I am…younger…than every other Eikon. I am also…different. I am an unknown. But…I have been awake enough to know I do not like what I was when that thing held my chains. I know I am fire…and so is she…and that is the only thing I know for certain that I share with another Eikon. Something that is the same, and not some oddity to sets me apart.

There wasn't anything Clive could say to that, and so he didn't, letting the topic lapse which Ifrit seemed to eagerly accept and settled back down into wherever he usually did in Clive's consciousness.

Clive considered Ifrit's words for most of the rest of the day, still turning them over in his head as they made their way through the derelict boughs of pines and cliff sides. By the time they'd camp for the night, they'd made it a fair distance inland, but according to Gav and the dubiously outdated maps, there were still a few more days of walking before they were supposed to hit the first major settlement outside of the Blight.

"You should get some rest, brother. I doubt anything will have ventured this deep into the Blight simply to patrol the dead shores, and even if they do, I suspect Torgal will hear them coming from miles away."

Joshua grinned and scratched Torgal's head to accentuate his point, the great frost wolf beaming at the praise. Clive just chuckled and shook his head at his little brother's veiled attempt to get him to sleep. Gav had already bid them a good night and to kindly keep it the fuck down so he could sleep, expecting the two would be up talking for some time, and rightly so.

"I will be awake for awhile yet, I'm afraid. Sleep rarely comes easily these days," Clive sighed, leaning back against the rock he'd set his broadsword against, tossing a dead stick that had been poking him in the back onto the small fire.

"I know something of that feeling," Joshua sighed, settling in beside Torgal. "And quite honestly I've spent enough of my life sleeping."

Clive snorted a bit at that, recalling just how often Joshua had been bed ridden in his childhood alone, let alone the years after Phoenix Gate.

"So what is it for you? That keeps you up at night?" Joshua asked suddenly. Clive looked up to meet his brother's gaze, a bit surprised by the bluntness of the question. They were still learning how to be brothers again, relearning those familiar steps of trust around each other, and the sudden prying into his private thoughts was rather jarring, especially given how the morning had started.

"For me, it varies. Sometimes it's Father, rushing to save me only to take the sword himself," Joshua continued quietly, clearly not expecting Clive to respond right away. "Other times it's the screams of the Shields as they burned in the fires of Phoenix Gate that I started."

Clive couldn't help the flinch at the mention of Phoenix Gate.

"I don't blame you, you know. For what happened that night," Joshua said, not looking at Clive but instead watching the tiny flames of the meager campfire dance. "You couldn't have known. How could anyone have known? That another Eikon would be lying dormant, waiting to be unleashed, and that you would be the one carrying it?"

 Clive felt Ifrit's growl rumble in the back of his mind at the comment, but he seemed content to simply listen for the time being.

"I tried to find answers, find what I had missed, while I was recovering. Searched every book and record the Undying had access to, and then those I could find elsewhere during my travels. Nothing in all our history ever indicated there could be a ninth," Joshua continued. "But sometimes I can't help but think if we'd have realized sooner, maybe things would have been different. With how many times I asked myself why the Phoenix passed you over for me, I should have noticed something."

"You were a child, Joshua," Clive cut in, interrupting Joshua's self-depreciating thoughts. "You couldn't expect yourself to notice something no one else, not even the Undying hadn't seen. None of it was your failings."

"I know that, but guilt is a wound that spreads rapidly and is not easily healed," Joshua chuckled darkly. "It likes to fester, even if you know it is unfounded."

Clive couldn't refute that. Not when he'd had his fair taste of guilt. They sat in silence for a moment, before Clive spoke up again.

"For awhile it was Phoenix Gate, what little I remembered of it, that I'd see every time I closed my eyes. Watching Ifrit rip the Phoenix apart while I sat helpless to stop any of it," Clive muttered quietly. He felt a flush of shame from Ifrit at the memory, a silent apology from the Eikon. Clive mentally waved it off. He'd long ago come to terms with it, though he'd never actually brought it up with the Eikon directly before. "It changes, from time to time. Some other nightmare taking its place before moving onto the next. The Imperial Army. Drake's Head. The Old Hideaway. Kupka. Ultima."

He noticed Joshua lift his gaze from where it had been lost in the campfire, seeming to take a long, serious look at him, as if he were seeing him for the first time. Clive supposed in a way, he was. They'd only very rarely shared moments of vulnerably with each other when they were young. Clive had been trying to exude the confidence required of the First Shield, and lessen the burdens of leadership that had been put upon Joshua's very young shoulders. And now as adults this was one of only a handful of times they'd had a moment to simply speak idly as brothers. Not as Cid and the Archduke, not chasing the next crisis that required their attention.

He chuckled at the notion of Joshua suddenly realizing, here a midst gods and monsters and after all they had faced, that his older brother was just as human as he was.

"But lately it hasn't been the nightmares so much as needing to sort out things with Ifrit. There isn't much chance during the day to sit there and have a silent conversation with an Eikon for a few hours when everyone needs your attention elsewhere," Clive shrugged.

Joshua's reaction was immediate, which was what Clive had been hoping for. Two birds, one stone, as it were; steer the conversation away from the darker topics they could do nothing about and finally tell his brother about Ifrit's newfound talkative nature.

"He speaks now? Since when?" Joshua couldn't seem to help the grin.

"Since the Einheijar," Clive said easily, and couldn't help the snort of amusement. "He rarely stops some days. With everything going on we never had a moment to spare to tell you."

"I suppose that's fair. And…I realize I may not have been very charitable since your return from the Shadow Coast," Joshua's enthusiasm deflated some, recalling the fight they'd had that morning. After a long pause, he let out a heavy sigh. "I'm worried about you, Clive. Every time we seem to be able to push back against this plan that Ultima has for you, something happens that puts us right back on that path. I don't regret what I said. I mean it. I won't give Phoenix to you."

He felt Ifrit shift uncomfortably in his chest at Joshua's tone of voice, the same feeling of anger and defensiveness that had reared up earlier in the day returning. With Ifrit's words still fresh in his mind, Clive gave his Eikon a gentle mental nudge.

Do you want to know?

Ifrit's focus snapped over to Clive from where it had been, focusing on Joshua's words. Clive almost didn't hear the tiny crackle of 'Yes' over the campfire.

"Clive?"

Answer in hand, Clive turned his attention back to his brother, who seemed a bit uncertain about the sudden silence. "Sorry, I'm still working on the whole…having two conversations at the same time part of all this."

"Is it Ifrit?"

"Yes. He had a…question, if you're up for a bit of translating."

Joshua sat up some, curiosity piqued. "Alright then."

"What does the Phoenix think of all this?"

For the first time since reuniting in Twinside, Joshua seemed at a genuine loss for words. Whatever he had been expecting Clive to ask, it clearly hadn't been that.

"Of all…what?"

"This. All of it," Clive gestured at himself and Joshua and then the world at large. "Of having a sibling, of what happened at Phoenix Gate, of what Ultima may be planning to use us for."

There was a long pause, and Clive couldn't entirely tell if it was just Joshua still in shock or if the Phoenix was also at a loss for words. The longer the silence dragged on, the more Clive felt Ifrit's restlessness stir, until finally Joshua's voice broke the stalemate.

"I…don't think she ever expected that question, if I'm being honest," Joshua half laughed. "She says…'There is nothing to think about. I did not have a brother, until I did. Now that I do, it is fact. I am fire, and so is he. We are volatile and destructive. There is no ill will to bear when it is simply our nature to be so.'"

"Huh. Wise words," Clive smirked inwardly at Ifrit.

The hellfire Eikon did not seem amused, or appeased, though some of the tension radiating off where the Eikon resided seemed to have alleviated. She didn't answer the entire question, he pointed out.

Clive was about to say something when Joshua interrupted. "Though, it seems she now has one of her own for Ifrit."

Clive didn't even have to pause to feel the affirmation from his Eikon. "We're all ears."

"What does Ifrit think of what Ultima plans to use him for?"

Clive simply snorted in laughter. "Oh he hates it," he said easily, not even waiting for the Eikon to answer for a translation. "Absolute despises it. I think the only thing he hates more than Ultima and his plan is what he was before Ultima loosened the chains."

Joshua laughed along with him, and after a moment his expression softened. "She says 'Then what I think doesn't matter. But for what it's worth, I am proud to know my brother is willing to fight to keep what freedom we've obtained, and I will gladly fight alongside him to the end'."

The rumble of pride was unmistakable, and Clive felt the rest of the tension from Ifrit drain off.

"As will we," Clive agreed and then grinned internally at Ifrit and muttered, I told you so.  There was a playful swat at the back of his mind, but there was no malice behind it. He sighed heavily, and turned his attention back to Joshua.

"I don't want these, powers, Joshua. But the fact is, I have them, and if I'm stuck with them regardless, then the least I can do is use them to help others," Clive said seriously, meeting his brother's gaze across the campfire. "I never planned on doing this alone, but I also won't stand by and do nothing if I can do something to help those I care about."

Joshua sighed, but seemed to relent, shaking his head and smirking up at Clive. "You never could resist a call for help. Even when we were children."

"One of my many flaws, I'm sure," Clive snarked back, the last of the tension now draining away from him. "Besides, I know if I step out of line I have you and Jill to drag me back."

"You seem to have gathered many others who would be willing to do the same," Joshua nodded over towards the snoring Gav.

"It does seem that way, doesn't it?" Clive mused. "I blame Cid for that, mostly."

"I would have liked to have met him," Joshua sighed sadly. "He seemed like an interesting person, from what I've heard."

"You have…noooo idea."

"Well, since it seems neither of us are sleeping anytime soon…" Joshua hedged, looking at Clive expectantly.

With a shrug and a smile, Clive settled back into his perch against the rock. "Which story would you like to start with?"

The next few days of traipsing through the underbrush of Ash went blissfully uneventfully, much of the tension of the first few days dissipating after Joshua and Clive spent much of that night trading stories of the past eighteen years. The good, the bad, the ridiculous.

It was well worth the exhaustion the next day to be able to reconnect with the brother he'd thought lost long ago.

However, the veil of tension and unease crept back in the closer they got to the border between Blight and habitable land. It wasn't the unnatural quiet, even as the trees came back to life, nor the listless akashic wildlife that patrolled mindlessly in patches along their path. No, all of that was more or less expected. Reassuring, even, in a disturbing way, given what the initial reconnaissance had told them.

No, what caused the chill to slow creep up Clive's spine was the knowledge of what was likely waiting for them as they marched to Stonehyrr.

To Odin.

To end the Last King.

To a fight Clive was not sure they were ready for.

It’s different this time, came Ifrit's confident rumble at that last passing thought.

Clive chucked internally. It seemed whatever doubts had been plaguing Ifrit had abated, and his usual confident arrogant tone was back in full force. Is it? he posed to his Eikon. However confident Ifrit might be, Clive was well aware that Barnabas had beaten him twice, and he got the distinct impression there would be no more chances after this.  This isn’t Titan’s brute force, or Bahamut’s madness.  We still don’t know what other tricks he may have up his sleeves.  We’ve never faced both a Dominant and Eikon working together before and won.  We have no idea what he can do.

Maybe, but he has no idea what we can do either, though, does he? He has never faced us while we were able to work together as the other Eikons do.

Clive had to pause and blink at that. Ifrit had a point.  No, I suppose he hasn't.

Then we show this fucker what the Dominant of Hellfire can do, hmm?

Agreed, though perhaps we should form a more concrete plan besides barreling in face-first? Clive suggested gently, vividly remembering the last few times he'd primed and mostly only survived by Ifrit having very heavily armored skin. We’re also going to have to talk about your language, Shiva’s been a bad influence on you.

The bark of amusement came out in a huff of flame and embers. So, came the curious scrape of claws on coals. What kind of plan do you have in mind?

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